Bipolar dreams

Hello, dear readers!

I’ve had the most interesting few days. Every time I travel back to my childhood home in Guelph I get bizarre dreams, and this visit home for Christmas was no exception.

I won’t unpack all of it, as these dreams were highly personal (as most dreams are). I was falling into the trap of taking them literally when a friend of mine reeled me in and suggested that I view them as dream metaphor. I did, and I am so glad I did!

To be brief, I dreamt that someone had stolen tissue from me (eggs, to be honest) and that they had stolen sperm from some guys I went to high school with, and had a celebrity raise the children which resulted from IVF. This was admittedly a distressing dream, but when I realized it was all metaphor, it became much more manageable- and even healing. The “children” represent creative projects, the fact that they are raised by a celebrity (someone active in televison with a national audience) may mean I want to make my creative projects a far larger deal than they have been so far, and the fact that I seem to want to connect with people from my high school may indicate that I need to reconnect to the creative person I was back then- I was a far more energetic, driven writer then than I am now, and maybe it’s time to tap back into the person I was in high school.

The reason I say this was healing is that I’ve avoided people from my high school for literally decades (this was kind of childish but I couldn’t help myself) and I’ve finally decided enough and looked up several folks that I remember- and to my delight, found they are doing well. One of them I apologized to for something silly that happened a long time ago. I’ve often had dreams about several of these people where I’ve wronged them and didn’t see the consequences which were awful, so it was kind of nice to see that they’ve turned out all right.

I still am probably never going to want to go to a high school reunion- I was in a great deal of pain in high school and a lot of my memories from those years are still very difficult for me. I think that just looking up a few folks and extending an olive branch to one that I truly did owe an apology to is a pretty good start to being able to heal that particular wound in my psyche.

I’ve had other dreams, too, but I’m saving those for fiction. I may use elements of some of them in my current novel-in-progress, Diamond. I hope to finish Diamond, which is a real emotional roller coaster for me, in 2018 and also find a literary agent. I’m also going to force myself to do something that terrifies me and try to write a screenplay. I am not entirely sure why this frightens me, but again, that unpacking is highly personal. Suffice it to say it will be a challenge- because not only will I write one, I will then try to sell it.

I hope you have a wonderful and bountiful year in 2018.

All the best,


Difficult scene in Diamond

Hello readers! I mentioned before that I had writer’s block. Well, I revised a chapter and wrote a few more, and the book is now at 30,400 words. Today was extremely difficult- I had to go through a section dealing with the main character’s violent rape at porn shoot (she was an unwilling victim), and this mirrors recurring dreams I have had about a similar violation.

Still, I am glad to be through that segment, and I am hoping that I can power through the rest of the book fairly soon. The rest of the book still has some trigger points for me, and it’s the holiday season, so I know it won’t be finished this year- but I am hoping to get significantly more done before the end of the year.

I’m very pleased with today’s progress. It’s really interesting to me how writing about my dreams unlocks what feel like me to be actual memories. This has been happening to me a lot since starting Diamond, back in the summer. Today’s revelation, which I will keep to myself and a few trusted friends, is quite interesting. Not everyone remains nameless forever.

Happy Holidays from the Deep State

Buckle up, buttercups- the ride’s not over yet. This card-carrying member of the Deep State (so deeply undercover I actually don’t know if I’m a member or not) suspects there’s a lot more to come soon.

I keep thinking it would be nice to have impeachment cocktail recipes ready just in case- is anyone good at inventing drinks? What might be in an Orange Russian? Tweet me your suggestions at @bent_elizabeth on Twitter, or toot them to me at @Ebent on Counter Social (

In other news, I have recovered from a recent bout of illness, and while it’s resulted in writer’s block, I feel like I can break through that if I get time to myself this weekend. I expect to go to a coffee shop and barrel my way through a chapter or two just because I need to get my momentum back, and I want to finish Diamond soon.

I’m pretty happy with Infinity– I do not have copies up for sale but I am sharing homemade ebooks with a select few, and of course, my mother is getting a paper printout in a binder because she is special. I hope to sell Infinity and Diamond both, but of course, Diamond is far more personal and difficult to write, and longer- so it will take me a while to finish it.