Writer’s block

Hello, readers!

I have a bit of writer’s block, which comes in the form of difficulty concentrating, so right now it is hard for me to focus on writing or reading fiction. My mind keeps wandering and I find I need to walk or do busywork to keep myself from pacing up and down.

This restlessness is kind of puzzling. I might be subconsciously thinking that Donald Trump’s White House “reality show” might be coming to a climax, with all the news that is circulating around these days about him and his administration. It certainly feels that way to me.

I’ve dusted off a story concept and brief outline that I plan to work on if I find I really can’t continue my current novel-in-progress. I also have ideas for short stories that I think will help divert my attention from whatever it is that is bothering me so much, and more than once it has occurred to me that I might be borderline hypomanic. I have had some trouble sleeping last week and this week I have to take naps during the day in order to get enough hours of sleep.

Exercise, of course, helps, and I am trying to make sure I get enough.

The joys of being bipolar and trying to be consistently productive! It’s hard to differentiate my problems with sheer laziness, and sometimes I wonder if I don’t push myself hard enough. I’ve been very busy writing in my diary, so I do write- just nothing I can publish, not yet.

Someday, if I ever become famous, I may publish excerpts of my diary (it is far, far too long and difficult to parse for anyone but me to publish in its entirety- I use it mostly to untangle my thoughts and bipolar delusions, and figure out links between fragments of memory). Maybe. It’s more likely I will simply write poems or poetic passages and have someone illustrate them, because that will help convey what it’s like to experience on a daily basis what I feel and think about. Something like Jung’s Red Book but a lot easier to digest, I think. I figure that a paper book with illustrations combined with recordings (not necessarily of me, but of music that I think also is evocative) might work best. It occurs to me that lots of people like or need audiobooks, so maybe one is inevitable, if this idea succeeds and people are indeed curious about a bipolar mind.

Rereading my diary would certainly be interesting for me, though it would take probably months- I have thousands of pages of writing so far.

Have a wonderful day!


Odd dreams

I’ve been catching up on some needed paperwork (including downloading TurboTax- now all I need are the slips from work) instead of writing this week.

One of the issues bipolar 2 people deal with is depression, and I have been struggling with mild depression that makes me want to sleep and sleep and sleep. It’s so hard to force myself to get on the treadmill (walking outside is easier but the weather has been abysmal), and so hard to force myself to cook healthy meals instead of just reach for something prepackaged. To stave off problems I made a large batch of soup and a quiche. I also have been more conscientious than usual in taking my supplements. I have found that two have really helped me: sublingual vitamin B12 (I found I was deficient about 18 months ago, per blood tests ordered by my doctor) and 5-HTP (5-hydroxytryptophan, which is a serotonin precursor and in my case, helped me avoid crushing major depression, though I do still get depressed).

I am going to try a bit of an experiment with myself: tomorrow, in addition to the usual supplements and my 60 minutes of walking, I will try taking some St. John’s Wort.

Along with depression and sleeping a lot come, of course, odd dreams, and my recent dreams consist mostly of dreaming Stephen Colbert was in my office a few years ago and we managed to gain incriminating information on Donald Trump, including kompromat. Trump was threatening me and telling me he would bomb Toronto, since where I live is close to there.  Some of the kompromat was pretty bad. Because I can’t tell whether the dream was real or not (though I suspect it was not- why would Stephen Colbert be in my office, and why would Trump be calling us?) I find myself wondering if I might wind up in Robert Mueller’s investigation. I’d be no help at all, though, I don’t clearly remember anything Trump said. I’ll have to ask Stephen what he heard.

Starting again

Hello, readers! This has been mostly a fiction blog, but I decided to wipe it and start again. I plan to talk a bit more in future about mental illness (I am bipolar), specifically about coping strategies. I use a lot of my weird dreams in my writing, but I feel more people need to find out about how to cope with the often overwhelming pressures of psychological distress. Even hypomania, which I admit is enjoyable, comes with a lot of stress. Stay tuned.

Today’s weird dream: Trump has been anonymously asking me for advice and I have been giving him the worst advice possible because, even though I did not recognize his voice on the phone, he came across as stupid, vulgar, and self-absorbed. Apologies to America.


Scribbles from an actual mad scientist